Saturday, December 31, 2011

good-bye 2011 ...

I won't miss you.

so, that probably sounds a little harsh and maybe rude, sorry 2011 - I'm just keeping it real over here!  and, let me not be too dramatic, this year has definitely had many fine and fun moments ... but I am more than happy to say good-bye to all the crappy ones.  blech.

the two things that stand out furthest in my mind, are the two saddest parts of 2011.

you may remember, I can't remember if/what I posted, but the day of Zoey's birthday party (a day full of stress and tension not seen in my post or the pics of the day, I might add) my mom read on facebook that a family from her old church had lost their children in a car crash.  later that evening (the party was all over by then) she came in the kitchen and told me who it was ... I didn't know at first, as she was saying the dad's name (he was injured, but ok).  it was the nephews of a girl I went to school and church with when I was young.  I never knew the family well, but this event shook me.  for two months not a day went by that I didn't think about those boys' mommy ... and cry. cry and cry and cry. 

the next happened in August.  my mom called me one morning and asked me to be in prayer.  a friend's daughter had been hit by a car and was not doing well.  this situation was a little closer to me.  I actually did know the mama, I had gone to church with her when living with my parents during the hubby's time in Korea.  I knew them.  I taught sunday school several times - she (the mama) helped me get the hang of it when I first started and her girls were in the class.  I can still remember Kayla's eyes looking at me - and her spunk.  what a girl she was.  I was glued to her mama's posts on facebook ... always waiting to hear the latest update and praying for a miracle.  again, I cried.  for several days this went on ... and then, Kayla went to be with Jesus.  again, for weeks I'd cry every time I thought about her and her mama and sister and dad.  it's a heart-ache I pray I never have to know, to lose a child.  I just can't imagine how it would be to wake up every day and have to remember that they are gone from the earth forever.

so, yes, there has been some sadness this year.  I can't tell you how many people have been losing loved ones lately.  it makes you really stop and appreciate what you have.

so, beyond the sad parts of 2011 there was just some real crap.  dare I say this, it's been kinda shitty!!!  there, I said it.  I've dealt with some things that I've never dealt with (like seriously, high school was not even so drama filled and confusing and frustrating - maybe though because I'm looking at it fifteen years later?) and never imagined I'd deal with in my 30's.  ugh - my 30's - just writing that makes me feel so old, lol!  but, I guess we have to go through some situations in order to learn about life.  I've tried very hard to chalk it all up to a learning experience, but that doesn't take away the pain.  I don't need to elaborate on here, all that needs to be said is that I'm a lifetime sort of a friend and I don't deal well with losing relationships (and I might add it has hurt even more for my children to lose relationships & inclusion).  'nuff said.

so, 2011, you've held some amazingly craptastic moments for me and many of them I prefer to be erased from my memory entirely.  I just want to remember all the good stuff ... and thank goodness I have a year's worth of blog posts to do just that.  after all, I have photo after photo to look at of my beautiful, healthy children.  I have a husband who loves me.  I have a wonderful home.  we have food to eat.  we have nice clothes to wear and shoes on our feet.  we have love.  ok - sometimes that's hidden behind the sibling rivalry, but I choose to believe that it is there!

I have some pretty high hopes for 2012.  I'll be sharing those later, though.  for now - it's good riddance to you 2011.  you were great and not so great.  you were nice and not so nice.  I'll always cherish you, a little, but I don't want you back!

p.s.  our recent witnessing of a van hitting a curb/trashcans, sending it up and rolling across the road (it was driving in the oncoming lane) toward us was also not so fun.  but I must say, the drive through living nativity was pretty cool (we were coming home from it).  so, I guess you really do have to "weigh the good with the bad"! 

p.s.s. all this to say, I'm not trying to focus on the not so good parts ... but writing is my refuge and a good way for me to let go of things!!!  I don't need to mention all the good parts, cause -as I said- I have a year's worth of blog posts to remember all the good!!!

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